I don't have anything to do for an hour or so, so I thought I'd call and pester you.

From time to time, DB and I will discover something rather significant during our conversations. Of course, these are completely by accident. Returning to the rule of definitions according to DB and Rose, "accident" can be anything from random coincidence to an honest mistake to, "Sweetheart, did I ever mention" to, "You know, darling, just because I didn't say anything to the contrary doesn't mean that I hid it from you. It was just an accidental oversight." You try to figure out which definition is whose.

Anyways, back to today's latest bit of humor. Rose talks in her sleep. In multiple languages. Topics depend on what she was doing/thinking about right before she sleeps. This was learned back in college, through nights of staying up late to write papers, and led to some rather interesting split English/Spanish conversations with her old roommate. Yesterday, while exploring a new digital camera to take nature shots on the upcoming hikes and trips (read: incriminating shots of BGRR which can later be used for blackmail), she was sidetracked and had to call him back later. Instinctively: "Hun, I need to run for a bit, call you back? Um, I'm cute and I love you." "Yes you are and I love you too. Bye!" As I closed the phone, I stared at it for a couple minutes, not quite believing what had just been heard, and then shrugged it off to investigate the difference between a Cybershot and a Powershot. Decisions, decisions.

After my phone decided to be evil (and voice its opinion that I really should break up with DB because it wouldn't let any of our calls go through), I remarked on the strange things we tend to assume in our conversations, including the previous referenced comment. "That wasn't the first time you've said that, honey." "Yes it was! I would have remembered it!" Much arguing later, the awful truth comes out: "Remember when you were napping in the car on the way back from Trenton?" "Of course not, I was napping. DUH."

"Yeah, well you were talking in your sleep too."

Relationship statistics

I like helping people...except for DB. Him, I neither have to like nor feel warm and fuzzy towards, just be able to put with for extended periods of time. But I digress, my apologies, dear Readers. DB has a rumor mill, or so he claims. I'd like to help him NOT keep it under control by posting a series of FAQs concerning the entity that is us. Comment/facebook with more and I promise to answer them.

Q: Who the heck are you two?
A: Really strange people who happened to meet when DB tried to fix my computer over the internet because it kept kicking me out of a chatroom we were both in. Why on earth would one try to fix a computer over the internet...when the internet's the thing not working? Go ask him. It was only after the fact that we realized the very likely possibility that we had already interacted and were in fact very close in terms of six degrees of seperation. You should know everything else about us. If not, SHAME ON YOU.

Q: Every couple has an anniversary. When's yours? Which ones do you celebrate?
A: First off, that's a two part question and against the rules. But I shall humor you, just this once. Our anniversary is sometime in February, but there isn't an actual date, unless you want to count the 17th. He doesn't care enough, and I'm waiting for something bigger to argue over. Like vacation plans. Nevertheless, I really want to see if he tries to pull something off in honor of the 1 year mark, just out of curiosity. For the record, I'm not expecting him to remember, or generally care enough to mark it with something really special. In fact, I'm expecting nothing to happen at all, even for 6 months. There's a reason he's BGRR.

Q: Do you really dislike each other that much?
A: He claims he's simply "extremely biased". If I actually admitted consistantly that I was more than fond of him, something would go wrong. Besides, the fact that DB's actually dating someone is crazy enough..."Ice skating rinks in Hell, I say." I took that one off his Facebook page, and calligraphied it onto a post-it by my computer, just to remind myself how blessed I am to have him. Despite the fact that he's a horrible person and needs to fall into a giant mudpuddle.

Q: Do you have a song?
A: We do now, whether he likes it or not. I'm not sharing through. I need to get him to consistantly appear - and actually move - on a dance floor first.

Like I said: ask and ye shall be answered....

Death by robin, or "I really have never seen this person ever in my entire life."

Neither of us celebrate Easter. I'm, well, not Christian in any sense of the word, and he's, well, DB. I don't know. Don't ask me. Since discovering the definitive lack of sponges in the cabin/house, we were going to spend this holiday lounging, shopping, hiking, and a quick movie during dinner. I know you've been waiting on tenterhooks for highlights, so without further ado...

***Now, if you know my other half, you know he doesn't sleep in. Ever. Or his definition of the phrase amounts to, "Gadzooks!! I slept until 8 am!!!!" Yeah, whatever. So I made it my mission to make him sleep until 10 am (even if I have to duct tape him to the bed. oooooh, wait, there's a great one....). I sorta succeeded, except I've horrible timing and decided to almost pass out getting a drink of water and try slamming my head into the kitchen sink. Haven't done that in a while, you need to keep that sort of thing up with practice. However, he apparently disagrees immensely on this topic and flew to my side (collective awwww for the boyfriend's slowly improving sixth sense) - where he had been comfortably relaxing in bed only moments before. 9:30 is good enough for me.

***DB was kind enough to give me the 30 minute scenic version of the 10 minute ride into town. Really, sweetheart, I can't thank you enough for that, it was lovely *coughs* MAP *coughs* sorry, throat tickle, allergy season, you know. There's this cute little supermarket chain that's local to the area called Redner's which thrills DB to no end because it's entirely employee owned. Seriously, he would probably leave me and start dating it if it were a physical person. He must have raved about it 2/3 of the way before we walked into the store...yeah, I've no reason to have relationship insecurities there. Anyways, after completing the shopping, we're standing in line and BGRR is actually acting *insert dramatic drumroll* ROMANTIC. No, I was not using any illegal substances at the time, I had not been drinking (minus the virgin hot chocolate), and I had not been sniffing glue/whiteout/petrol/sharpie markers. The checkout lady kept looking at us with a smile on her face and after he kept me from paying for my water, she asked if he was my boyfriend.

"No, ma'am, I've never seen this man before in my entire life."
"You mean he's not your boyfriend? He seems to be pretty sweet on you, you know."
"Nah, just picked him up in the parking lot. He kinda tagged along when I came in."

At this point, he completely ruins my deadpan with his laughter. Bum. And I have to explain that yes, I'm the girlfriend who drove two hours to visit him and make dinner. Which she thinks is awfully sweet of me, and she sincerely hopes I enjoy my visit to the area. *pops her literary collar* yeah, I'm cool like that. No autographs please.

***After we get back, we hike up to the overlook and I identify my very first fungus all by myself. Hey, I'm catching on to this outdoorsy thing - albeit slowly. When we reach the bottom though, it is decided to go look at the spring house and then head back to the cabin for dinner and part of a movie. Two hours later, I'm tired and thirsty and we haven't reached this hypothetical spring house. Surprise, surprise, DB's confused his trails and we've actually hiked all the way down the mountain the camp is located on into a nettle field, and then all the way up. As we reach the target field, I put down my stuff and promptly lie down. Which turns into a long nap where your clever author was almost killed by a robin.

Yes, dear Readers, DB is at it again. Please find the following evidence of yet another attempt on my life (after the several attempts this morning didn't work at all like he planned), this time involving wildlife. According to him, as I was lying on my side, I was still enough that a robin actually landed on my back to peer inquisitively at my head. He would be quite upset if I neglected to mention his amused observation that the songbird actually hopped up and down my side a couple times before flying away. Why didn't you do anything, darling? Did you not attempt to save me from a terrible fate worse than death? "It was a robin. Not a shrike. If it was a shrike, I would have been at your side in the blink of an eye." Conveniently, there is also no photographic evidence of said cute, innocent, harmless songbird. Coincidence? I think not. I think he just wanted to be able to use this particular accomplice again, without evidence of a failed attempt.

Honey, I'm sleeping with one eye open tonight.

Snippets of a Facebook life - Pictures, Princesses and Achmed

Courtesy of the Facebook wall, this one started out with me being nice and taking the blame for the lack of photo on DB's part, wandered through how much he dislikes when I use the Princess line and proper wall posting, and ended around Achmed the Dead Terrorist.

For those of you dear readers who are uneducated in the Princess line, let me take a moment to bring you into our fold. Or rather, give you a glimpse into how incredibly childishly peevish BGRR can be. Completely in jest of course, I like to use the argument, "I'm a princess, and I said so" as a retort to a challange from Dan on why something should be like it is. It really does make sense if you think about it; the man likes to portray himself as a sort of knight in shining armor, and everyone knows a knight needs a lady or a princess. So if he's mine, then I have to be a princess, or at the very least a lady.

In the World According to DB (which must be a pretty incredible place, as he keeps trying to incorporate it into our relationship. Maybe he's itching for a road trip and that's why he keeps bringing up exotic places), the idea of nobility follows some African culture where the (insert royal figure here) is actually controlled by the Vizier and Head Priest. This is some serious control, we're talking can't eat, speak, use the facility, sleep, think, do anything without permission. Think of it as really high class kinky D/s. Back to tangent though.....in the World According to Dan , this is completely fine; in fact he advocates it. I can be a princess - or even simply be eligible to use that line - if and only if it's under those rules and conditions. I'm obviously dating a Don Juan type of figure that adores me. It's a good thing I'm grown enough to forgive his twisted sense of romance.

It started out with the following post, in response to wall complaints about his lack of photo:

DB wrote at 2:24am on March 14th, 2008
I'm trying to fix the picture thing but someone is holding onto the pictures in question ::evil glare in a certain direction:: regardless I'm sure I'll get one at some point throughout this year.

Now when you post something like that, does one not expect to get a response? Of course not, honey, how could you ever think I'd be baiting you for a nice retort? I'm too biased to ever do anything evil like that. Yeah, well, you lie like a fuzzy wuzzy rug, B.

Rose wrote at 8:58am on March 14th, 2008
Oh hush you. I'm Cute, therefore it's okay, and you _can't_ complain. Learn patience.

DB wrote at 9:21am on March 14th, 2008
I'm not complaining you, I'm explaining so they can all stop messaging me. Notice I didn't put a name up only a random glare. Now that you have revealed yourself I can't be held responsible for the message deluge that will come your way to try and convince you to send them to me.

Rose wrote at 9:56am on March 14th, 2008
Who else would it be? Fine then, here, to give you some peace of mind, how's this....

Dear DB's friends ~ DB's truly abominable gf is currently holding photos of him on a dance floor (actually dancing, quite well I might add ^_^) hostage until such time as she can ensure he won't try to hide, distort, or otherwise cause them to cease existance. Feel free to deluge me with messages emphasizing said horridness, and leave him messages of sympathy and concern for dating a nutcase *grin* however, should you truly desire, you're more than welcome to continue fill his inbox with calls for a photo less resembling a question mark. Which, in the grand scheme of things, really isn't that bad of a course. I'm sure it makes him feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

better?

Now, at this point, Boy Genius Romeo Reincarnated posts on his own wall. Because he can. Knowing that it's going to annoy me to no end.

DB wrote at 10:44am on March 14th, 2008
::Laughs:: you are horrible Rose you know that. Hillarious and wonderful but horrible at the same time.

Then it goes back to a wall-to-wall discussion.

Rose wrote at 12:17pm on March 14th, 2008
1) you're supposed to reply on the OTHER person's wall. 2) i's princess, which gives the perogative to be everything at once. it's a royalty thing ^_~and before you even think of retorting, you're fuzzy and i adore youuuuuuuuuu *smiles sweetly*

DB wrote at 12:40pm on March 14th, 2008
::laughs:: I know all about replying on the other persons wall, but I left that on mine so people who can't see yours could see the response. Anyway...

Oh, and we both know how far princess gets you. ::laughs:: Do I need to bring up certain central African cultures again; I'd have no problem using their definition of princess.

I adore you to, but stop being silly anyway, you can always just call you know.

Rose wrote at 1:18pm on March 14th, 2008
ooooor they could just do what my friends do and friend me for the conversation views LOL

princess topic: from a youtube video i showed my mom this morning, "SILENCE! I keeeeeell you." end of discussion.

DB wrote at 1:28pm on March 14th, 2008
::Laughs:: If your mom ever says anything like "silence I keeeeell you" I'm going to burst out laughing and have a hard time stopping for a long while. After all the picture of your mom the "little old middle eastern lady with a handbag" attacking anybody is amusing as hell.

Like I said, a rather normal couple.

Snippets of a Facebook life - The Great Name Debate

I promised y'all a selection of our Facebook conversations. In all seriousness, we're quite fond of each other, or as DB likes to call it "extremely biased". This would be the evidence from Kenny's comment. I trust the Kenny, but you can make your own decision.

And as for names, y'all know who we are, even if you can't pronounce them. Okay, mine, pronounce mine.

Rose wrote at 9:34am on February 25th, 2008
Dear DB's friends: I've heard lovely stories about all of you and am really looking forward to putting faces to names. Or FBs to names. Or screen names to names. Lots and Lots of names. Anyways, hi! Cordially ~ Rose

DB: Have you realized that if we ever put your friends and my friends in the same space, I'm going to be answering to at least three different names at once? And it'll all be your fault? Have you also realized realized your new girlfriend (^_^!!) expects you to address said issue and perhaps, idk, fix it? Just curious....

DB wrote at 10:55am on February 25th, 2008
Now now, you are the one who managed to introduce yourself so many ways. I'd say treat all the names as nicknames; I know that I respond to at least 5 or 6 myself. Failing that we can come up with one universal name for me to introduce you to everyone as, Rosie, Rizwan, etc...which one would you prefer to use?

Rose wrote at 11:43am on February 25th, 2008
I'm the one? Did I expect the whole name thing to be an issue? No. Why? Because you weren't supposed to be introducing me as the girl you were very likely to start dating. So hmph *smirk, poke* that's totally on you, hun. Wait, do you think your people will actually realize that I'm the same person with a bunch of nicknames, and not schizo? Cause then it would totally be okay, and we could both be amused by it, esp when I forget what my name is. I mean, you're exactly the type of person to be dating someone crazy like that.

DB wrote at 1:26pm on February 25th, 2008
Yes you are the one, after all you signed e-mails to me with 3 different names in our first 3 e-mails. Why do you think I use your "different names" interchangably myself. You can hardly blame them for having you down as different names anyway. Oh and yes people will realise you are the same person with different names, many of us do it ourselves; how do you think I got so many nicknames myself :). It's fun to see what people come up with. Honestly I wouldn't be all that worried, the worst case scenario is we all get something to laugh at when someone doesn't realise who we are all talking about.

You might want to be careful about saying I'm exactly the kind of person to date crazy people though, after all who am I dating again?

Rose wrote at 1:37pm on February 25th, 2008
I love how less than 24 hours into this, we're already having a tiff on FB. People keep wondering why I'm laughing in my corner. But I digress....fine, if you insist, I'll be plain and boring and uninteresting. And sign with only one name *rolls her eyes* but I still hold you partially response for all of this. On principle, and nothing else.

A crazy person. Who thinks you're the best thing since sliced bread. Just before olives and hairpieces. Besides, I make you look sane. Which one of us was chasing squirrels in a park in the pseudo-rain wearing a skirt, a blouse, pantyhose, and hiking boots? Most certainly not you!

DB wrote at 1:51pm on February 25th, 2008
Hey the whole less then 24 hours thing just makes this all the more amusing somehow. Good luck explaining to everyone why you are laughing in your corner.

Who in the world said you had to be plain and boring and use only one name? I seem to remember saying "I wouldn't be all that worried" about people remembering them all, and "yes people will realise you are the same person". Have fun with it all.

Best thing since sliced bread huh; I was going to settle for pretty darn good but I'll take it. As to chasing squirrels in a park during a drizzle wearing a skirt and hiking boots; thats not crazy just hillariously funny and amusing.

Ohh and don't make me look to sane I've got a reputation to mantain now a days. If I look sane some people might get worried, I am the guy who went up to a black bear and hugged it after all.

Anyway enough facebook I'm going to return to reality now. Good luck at work and feel free to call if you so desire

Things only DB would notice, part the first

DB, at VFNMP: Rose bounces when she walks. A bit like a penguin. It's cute.
My response: it's not funny, and I DO NOT bounce.

It's a Facebook thing

I had Facebook first, then he gave in and set up an account. Whis is how I figured out his last name, since he wouldn't tell me. I don't know, maybe he thought I was going to figure out where he lived and stalk him. Or it might have been a CAP thing. I'd have to mess around in his head to find out, and that's a scary place.

We like to converse on Facebook, on walls in particular. Again, following the rule of definitions according to DB and Rose, converse really means intense discussion. The observation has been made that we're already bickering like an old married couple, and it's only been sorta kinda a month. (Dearest Reader, please note that we really don't have an anniversary. This sort of thing bothers me slightly, but not enough to pick a fight. When confronted with said dilemma, Boy Genius Romeo Reincarnated (further more to be designated as BGRR) over here says it's okay because he's likely to forget anyways, so we can just roll a dice and use those numbers. Thank you Kenny for the squirrel idea!!!! More on that on another day when I'm bored at the office.)

At some point, I'll post those here, just for the pure comedic value. Sheesh, you'd think we disliked each other or something....

Harpers Ferry, WV (take 1)

Maryland Heights overlook hike

So here's the backstory. DB loves to hike. He likes nature and long grueling hikes where you sleep on the ground and skip showers. The kind where you're out in the woods for weeks at a time. I hike too. Little day things that are more extended wanderings. Where I can actually get a shower and maybe a bed at the end of the day. Obviously, his definition and mine aren't the same. But he's cute and old, so I'm going to humor him. What can I say, I'm just nice like that. Anyways, back to my knitpicking......DB doesn't like to dance, in fact I might go so far as to say that he's allergic to the dance floor. With the excuse that Victorian dances are completely different, I cajoled him into coming with me to the Reenactors' Dance in Gettysburg on March 8. (For the record, he claimed to have enjoyed himself). I felt bad, so when we changed our plans sunday to go to Harpers Ferry, I said we should take the Overlook hike. Hey, it would have made him happy, and my intention was good.

***Walking by the B&O Canal, we see two people side by side: one in olive green pants from Columbia, a blue long sleeve t-shirt, and a grey short sleeved one on top, the other wearing brown cords, and a black hoodie which is pulled closed to reveal only her eyes and nose. Who knows if she's wearing anything underneath it? I made a comment, goodness knows what it was, but in response, my darling boyfriend laughs and puts his arm around my shoulder to squeeze me gently. That's what he claims. Go ahead, ask him. The truth of the matter is that DB is a psychopath who really wants to do me in in much the same manner as an anaconda. Momma always said to stay away from the outdoorsy types......but I digress..... Said squeeze propels my ear into his shoulder, resulting in a ringing noise for the next 5-10 minutes. Oh no honey, you really aren't out to get me.

***You know how mountain trails are supposed to level out for bits? Okay, so they do in my world. This one didn't, at all. About a quarter of the way up, I stop to lean against a tree and catch my breath. "Damn it, how long does it keep going uphill?" Without missing a beat, Dan turns around with a smirk worthy of death-by-vine. "Until we reach the top." This smirk also states, "It IS a mountain, after all. Silly girl." I need a vine.

***DB claims that rocks are good for trails, something about ecological protection and runoff, and a whole bunch of other things I tuned out while silently cursing him yet again. On the way back down (downhill, mind you), he telepathically had one of the stupid things trip me, causing a shrill yelp, and yours truly to go stumbling down several feet. The picture of doting boyfriend, my own personal Knight in Shining Armor grabs my arm with a concerned, "Are you okay?" "Yeah, I just stumbled." And then proceeded to look for said guilty party, stomp back up the hill, and kick it. Stomp back down hill, the entire time doting boyfriend has an amused grin on his face (coincidentally, this also makes me think of a vine). "Better?" "Much. Let's go." I'm telling you, he's out to get me.